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the title really says it all -

I have let irony rule me and cynicism brandish me senseless for too long.

how to emote when you're feelings are broke?

it's like rhetorical essay question that I am stuck on like a broken record.

I need to feel, I need to be open and real to be able to feel, after one long relationship years ago I became fixated on mastering the downfall of every subsequent oppurtunity to be in a real relationship that befell someone as damaged goods as I am.

I wish I could go back to the old me and maybe I can given time and effort - I just need support and people who know me for me not the thinly veiled facade that I have veneered over for the last 3 years.

insolence and karma

my insolence and failure to keep off the constant cycle of;
working a mundane job to pay for a party lifestyle to help me forget the mundane job (thank god the band have gigs soon - id go insane)

getting ill at party - being ill 40 hours a week in mundanoland (also known as lamoland not to be confused with disneyland paris (no score bore).

went and exchanged my black (drug labbeled) stupid dumb metal guitar for a soulful 1970s sg copy with added bigsby and rust for good measure.

tried to call up my ex drummer and musical compadre r but to no avail as yet (we hope to get the acoustic show on the road soon (if sufficient calls are returned!)

hate to sound so down in the dumps but i hate being in late on fridays it makes me feel like a lobster in the tank of restaraunt - too ill equipped to escape my situation in current state (aka cold and flu)

what i need is an upper i have a rec day next week on which i hope to be smashed to the gills and punched to the soul in pure unadultered (or alduterated - whichever feels better first) fun fun fun in my hometowns


well i gotta go now -i have a shot of jd witrh my name on it and it's not gonna wait all evening for me.

much lov to you

sk

notebook...

i found
this mound
of piled up ashes on the ground and
i've seen your scene it's quite belligerent
and quite mean

i know that life grows
just like branches from a tree
this coma that i've faced
will be quite helpful to me

and now, somehow i can get a grasp on life...
it's easy when you, tease the, central point of holding strife
dangled on a big,big cliff
hold on to the edge of this
cut, cut goes the simplicity
it's easier to end it than
end up free



and this is not a sarcastic notion of things to come
tis is just my cynical emotion of what needs to be won
a battle of the senses and one of the wills
a battl of your passion versus twenty pills.

poetry in motion

poetry in motion
haha
we singsongs in the ocean
la di da
it's such a fickle ntion
burnt like scars
it's
poetry in motion
haha

we hit the streets
like the scene's new beats
we wanna hit l a
we hit the town
like we're gonna fall down and
we're gonna make it our way

we play the drum and the acoustic strum
travle from coast to coast
with pl,ay the songs aand we play them wrong
we play them with you both

and we smash the gong with the girls you like
and we crash the cars and we crash those bikes
and we let of all our steam, in cork city
it's just a our dream it's so pretty in this ireland tonight.

Haloween and the obscene...

Even though my flu persisted through the whole of last week I managed to muster the strengh to don my haloween costume (a droog from clockwork ornge), it was the first time that I have managed to hang out with Sara and jamie since they got hitched and at first seemed a very strange prospect indeed but I was fine with it after the first drink.

One thing I must say that I detest is unwanted attention - I went out with the sole intention to have a good time with my sister and her husband(sounds strange still)and not to pick up girls or however else I should put it! To my suprise a girl dressed as a vampire closed in on our little circle I smiled politely but did not say anything as I did not want to lead her on then she pushed me into a corner and put her hand on my chest - I immediatly moved out of the corner and gestured that I was not interested and she moved away.
Later in the night as we were watching my mate Adam DJ she saw me again and tryed to dance on me yet again! I told her I have a girlfriend and was not looking to mess about and she said,''if she cares that much where is she now?'', I told her that was none of her business but she still tryed to come onto me.

I find it very frustrating when people assume that if you are out at a party late at night you must be single and looking to mess about,it's just not true and very fucking irritating.

Lately I...

Feel so cold, going through the motions
I've been told that life is like an ocean
easy tide, I feel as if I'm breaking
slow me down, there's far too much to take me down.

today...

Dear All,



It appears to me that all seems to be different in the winter time, does your lust turn to love as we all look above and we’re tired of hunting for what we want to find?



What we need is often disguised, our lust, our petty childish thrust to always have what we don’t attain even if it jeapordises the good things that we already have in hand.



What a fickle world we live in.

optimism grows...

optimism grows like flowers may grow on the branches of a dead tree -
what I am trying to state is although at times we might get hurt and damaged by past affairs and painful memories, if we can hold onto the littlest hopes and the faintest optimisms(the little things in life)then there may be away to living a full and untainted life again.

today is a new day - time to smile and start again...

faint hearts always fail...

this week has been an uphill struggle -

first lenette went into hospital after falling off a motorbike, then i faint on way to work due to exhaustion and fatigue.

this last 3 months has been very frugal and good for me but also very testing.

i'm not really sure who I am again at the moment but i think that is agood thing as it gives me the scope and oppurtunity to find myself.

i'm happy that i have my love of writing back after a few years of stupid obsessions and dancefloor heartbreaks has i believe finally subsided...

if anyone in the world gets this - write me back - you know where i am.

as always

steve

Tags:

ode to hypocracy

Today I feel very hypocrital,
my wit is at it's ends
for once it was not my excess,
for once it was my friends

she told me once that i took risks
and that she wouldn't judge
but it hurts me so that just like me
her stubborness wont budge

she took a fall, one not her fault
but i know fates a bitch
and as she looked me in the eye
it gave my soul a stitch
to think that i have times before
made people feel like this
no mouth to mouth
no kiss of death
but scared me
to my wits

(this is how i feel when fate and karma pay me back for hurting people and scaring people the same way in the past).